Space Balls 3: In Search of Space Balls 2

Song of the Day: “Animals” by Nickelback

First off, if you haven’t seen Mel Brook’s sci-fi spoof Space Balls, then you have my permission to immediately throw yourself off a cliff. OK, now that we have the dead weight out of the way (hehe, dead weight, that’s funny), let’s get down to business. Do you remember the rumor going around in the late 80s early 90s about the sequel to Space Balls, entitled Space Balls 3: In Search of Space Balls 2? I distinctly remember it, and it comes to mind as I was working up the inspiration to write this post.

Why do I bring this up? Because I said I would be giving a recount of my winter break over the past month, but it seems like at this point my life is in fast forward and I have way too many things to talk about as it is. Therefore, in fast forward, I give you my life over winter break:

I hit my GPA mark for the semester. Not high and definitely not competitive for graduate school in the ivy league, but it was my first semester and I took an intense course load. I went home to Long Island and reconnected with my best friend from middle school and high school. Soon after I find out he got dumped by his girlfriend of four and a half years. This person was easily one of the coolest girls I’ve ever met, so I was very disappointed to discover this; previously I was very happy for my friend to be with such a great girl. So, naturally, my friend and I spend the majority of our time together, drinking and having a few well-needed shit-talking sessions.

Then I went off to Turkey for 10 days. Definitely one of my best trips to date. I got to spend a lot of time with my brother which naturally led to plenty of drinking and good times in general. Highlights from the trip: New Years party resulted in someone hooking up in my room and being completely plastered I cock-block him (I’m not proud of it, it goes against the guy-code, but funny nonetheless) and end up drinking until 6 AM because I can’t get those people out of my room, and finally I got to see Cappadochia (sp?) which is one of the most unique places in the world. Oh yeah, I also got to spend half a day on the toilet because of something I ate, I think (karmic comeuppances for the cock-blocking, I think). I’m sure there are other highlights I am totally forgetting about or I was too drunk at the time to remember; Conrad, care to chime in?

So I get back from Turkey and I am sick as a dog. The near-constant drinking coupled with a 9 hour bus ride and then a 13 hour transit back home totally set off the sickness I had been fighting since the New Year’s debacle. Nevertheless I still manage to spend some more time with my friend from home, and more good times were had.

So that’s about as much as I can remember, really exciting, isn’t it? Yeah, well no one cares what you think anyway, piss off.

So, on to some news that bears repeating on this little space of mine. Although this isn’t exactly news in a timely manner, it’s news to me: one of my heroes, Tucker Max, was scheduled to put out a new book this past September (if you haven’t read I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell then please refer to my first sentence ASAP). So I just discovered that his book is being pushed back until fall of this year. Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it! Some of his stories are so funny I literally cried; it’s a tragedy that I have to wait longer than I already have to read more of his antics. On the upside, it appears that he is working on some sort of movie deal, which I’m sure would be as equally, if not more, hilarious as his books. So that’s something to look forward to.

No More Heroes for the Nintendo Wii console was just released to rave reviews. Finally, a solid action game for a mature audience on the “family friendly” console. At least, the first release that isn’t a port from another console (a la Resident Evil 4 from the Gamecube, quite possibly one of the greatest games ever). Don’t get me wrong, I love my Wii (that just sounds wrong, but it’s OK because no matter how you take it, it’s true), it is a revolutionary machine that is two steps ahead of the other consoles in redefining the gaming experience. The only problem is that most of the games thus far (except the aforementioned game) have been targeted at a younger audience. What about the die-hard Nintendo fans from the NES era that are approaching their 40s? They finally have their cake and get to eat it too. True, they got the new Zelda game, which is friggin’ awesome, but not until now has a new intellectual property been released for the older consumers that’s actually good. I can’t wait to get my hands on this game, I’m practically salivating over it.

Brian Campbell over at the Buffalo Sabres will be an unrestricted free agent at the end of this season. As of right now, he has ceased negotiations with the Sabres management as to signing a new contract. What does this mean? Saying more goodbyes to key players. Campbell is one of the most underrated defensemen in the league and should expect to at least have his salary doubled, if not tripled. He is a pillar of the team and it will be a major blow to lose him. My guess is that the Sabres general manager, Darcy Regier, is somewhere in the middle of these negotiations. This guy is the genius who thought it was more important to focus on the playoffs last season (which they lost in the Eastern Division finals) instead of negotiating with their players over new contracts. No big deal, right? Yeah, sure, unless this causes you to lose your two best players and leaders of the team, Daniel Briere and Chris Drury. Talk about your all-time bonehead moves of the year.

Oh sure, they managed to keep Thomas Vanek, who was the leading goal scorer for the team and lead the league in +/- rating last season. But thanks to him being a restricted free agent, and the Edmonton Oilers struggling to put back together the shambles of the team that lost in the Stanley Cup two years ago, the Sabres are paying this jackass about $10 million this year. You would think a guy worth this much money would actually produce. Nope, 14 goals and 18 assists. He’s not even leading the team in points.

While I do believe Vanek is being grossly overpaid, I do not think he is a useless asset. His main problem is that he went from the offensive powerhouse on the second line last season to being on the first line this season, up against every other team’s first line. He definitely floundered at the beginning of the season because of this change. He’s a young guy and that can be pretty jarring. But I think he’s really starting to come around as a playmaker and not just the sniper he was last season; he has the potential to be a leading part of the Sabre’s offense in the later part of the season. In the meantime, I have been watching Derek Roy create awesome chances because of his speed and agility all season. To me he is the offensive leader of the team and he definitely deserves a raise. Now if Lindy Ruff could only get Maxim Afinogenov’s head out of his ass and teach him how to play without Briere or Drury, the Sabres could be making a serious bid for the playoffs by the end of the season.

Alright, I got nothing left. Oh, one last quip, and then I’m done, I promise. While I am not a true Washington Capitals fan, I would easily cheer for them over any team other than the Sabres or the Philadelphia Flyers (gotta represent home team, right?). That being said, Eight the Great netted four goals and one assist in his last game against Montreal, catapulting him to number 1 in the league in goals and assists. That guy is just an absolute juggernaut and I wish I lived in DC just so I could see him play.

Alright, that’s it, I’m done.