Moved

From the encouragement of my brother (and the fact that there was virtually no work involved on my part) my blog space has been moved.  From now on I will be writing posts at the following address:

http://grahamwoodring.com

At the moment I’ve forgotten my log in and password, which I’ll hopefully be able to obtain in the next few days.  At that point I’ll be able to start writing again.  This space will remain up, because it’s free, but from now on I will not be updating it.

Cheers!

Space Balls 3: In Search of Space Balls 2

Song of the Day: “Animals” by Nickelback

First off, if you haven’t seen Mel Brook’s sci-fi spoof Space Balls, then you have my permission to immediately throw yourself off a cliff. OK, now that we have the dead weight out of the way (hehe, dead weight, that’s funny), let’s get down to business. Do you remember the rumor going around in the late 80s early 90s about the sequel to Space Balls, entitled Space Balls 3: In Search of Space Balls 2? I distinctly remember it, and it comes to mind as I was working up the inspiration to write this post.

Why do I bring this up? Because I said I would be giving a recount of my winter break over the past month, but it seems like at this point my life is in fast forward and I have way too many things to talk about as it is. Therefore, in fast forward, I give you my life over winter break:

I hit my GPA mark for the semester. Not high and definitely not competitive for graduate school in the ivy league, but it was my first semester and I took an intense course load. I went home to Long Island and reconnected with my best friend from middle school and high school. Soon after I find out he got dumped by his girlfriend of four and a half years. This person was easily one of the coolest girls I’ve ever met, so I was very disappointed to discover this; previously I was very happy for my friend to be with such a great girl. So, naturally, my friend and I spend the majority of our time together, drinking and having a few well-needed shit-talking sessions.

Then I went off to Turkey for 10 days. Definitely one of my best trips to date. I got to spend a lot of time with my brother which naturally led to plenty of drinking and good times in general. Highlights from the trip: New Years party resulted in someone hooking up in my room and being completely plastered I cock-block him (I’m not proud of it, it goes against the guy-code, but funny nonetheless) and end up drinking until 6 AM because I can’t get those people out of my room, and finally I got to see Cappadochia (sp?) which is one of the most unique places in the world. Oh yeah, I also got to spend half a day on the toilet because of something I ate, I think (karmic comeuppances for the cock-blocking, I think). I’m sure there are other highlights I am totally forgetting about or I was too drunk at the time to remember; Conrad, care to chime in?

So I get back from Turkey and I am sick as a dog. The near-constant drinking coupled with a 9 hour bus ride and then a 13 hour transit back home totally set off the sickness I had been fighting since the New Year’s debacle. Nevertheless I still manage to spend some more time with my friend from home, and more good times were had.

So that’s about as much as I can remember, really exciting, isn’t it? Yeah, well no one cares what you think anyway, piss off.

So, on to some news that bears repeating on this little space of mine. Although this isn’t exactly news in a timely manner, it’s news to me: one of my heroes, Tucker Max, was scheduled to put out a new book this past September (if you haven’t read I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell then please refer to my first sentence ASAP). So I just discovered that his book is being pushed back until fall of this year. Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it! Some of his stories are so funny I literally cried; it’s a tragedy that I have to wait longer than I already have to read more of his antics. On the upside, it appears that he is working on some sort of movie deal, which I’m sure would be as equally, if not more, hilarious as his books. So that’s something to look forward to.

No More Heroes for the Nintendo Wii console was just released to rave reviews. Finally, a solid action game for a mature audience on the “family friendly” console. At least, the first release that isn’t a port from another console (a la Resident Evil 4 from the Gamecube, quite possibly one of the greatest games ever). Don’t get me wrong, I love my Wii (that just sounds wrong, but it’s OK because no matter how you take it, it’s true), it is a revolutionary machine that is two steps ahead of the other consoles in redefining the gaming experience. The only problem is that most of the games thus far (except the aforementioned game) have been targeted at a younger audience. What about the die-hard Nintendo fans from the NES era that are approaching their 40s? They finally have their cake and get to eat it too. True, they got the new Zelda game, which is friggin’ awesome, but not until now has a new intellectual property been released for the older consumers that’s actually good. I can’t wait to get my hands on this game, I’m practically salivating over it.

Brian Campbell over at the Buffalo Sabres will be an unrestricted free agent at the end of this season. As of right now, he has ceased negotiations with the Sabres management as to signing a new contract. What does this mean? Saying more goodbyes to key players. Campbell is one of the most underrated defensemen in the league and should expect to at least have his salary doubled, if not tripled. He is a pillar of the team and it will be a major blow to lose him. My guess is that the Sabres general manager, Darcy Regier, is somewhere in the middle of these negotiations. This guy is the genius who thought it was more important to focus on the playoffs last season (which they lost in the Eastern Division finals) instead of negotiating with their players over new contracts. No big deal, right? Yeah, sure, unless this causes you to lose your two best players and leaders of the team, Daniel Briere and Chris Drury. Talk about your all-time bonehead moves of the year.

Oh sure, they managed to keep Thomas Vanek, who was the leading goal scorer for the team and lead the league in +/- rating last season. But thanks to him being a restricted free agent, and the Edmonton Oilers struggling to put back together the shambles of the team that lost in the Stanley Cup two years ago, the Sabres are paying this jackass about $10 million this year. You would think a guy worth this much money would actually produce. Nope, 14 goals and 18 assists. He’s not even leading the team in points.

While I do believe Vanek is being grossly overpaid, I do not think he is a useless asset. His main problem is that he went from the offensive powerhouse on the second line last season to being on the first line this season, up against every other team’s first line. He definitely floundered at the beginning of the season because of this change. He’s a young guy and that can be pretty jarring. But I think he’s really starting to come around as a playmaker and not just the sniper he was last season; he has the potential to be a leading part of the Sabre’s offense in the later part of the season. In the meantime, I have been watching Derek Roy create awesome chances because of his speed and agility all season. To me he is the offensive leader of the team and he definitely deserves a raise. Now if Lindy Ruff could only get Maxim Afinogenov’s head out of his ass and teach him how to play without Briere or Drury, the Sabres could be making a serious bid for the playoffs by the end of the season.

Alright, I got nothing left. Oh, one last quip, and then I’m done, I promise. While I am not a true Washington Capitals fan, I would easily cheer for them over any team other than the Sabres or the Philadelphia Flyers (gotta represent home team, right?). That being said, Eight the Great netted four goals and one assist in his last game against Montreal, catapulting him to number 1 in the league in goals and assists. That guy is just an absolute juggernaut and I wish I lived in DC just so I could see him play.

Alright, that’s it, I’m done.

Still Representing the Home Team

Song of the Day: “Wisemen” by James Blunt

For the past four years, the illustrious Nathan Barnes has invited me to come out to his tournament WACon. Held in Seattle on the third weekend every January, I have been told repeatedly by trusted sources that this tournament is one not to miss. Unfortunately for me, this particular weekend is also always been the first weekend of the spring semester. Therefore I have never made it out there, but I have told Nathan every time that I will make it out eventually.

This year, the Nathan and his fellow directors decided to scale back on the tournament. Thus I did not receive an invitation. The crew there were not actively lobbying people to show up because they wanted a smaller tournament so they could save up money for the coming years. Because I did not receive an invitation, naturally I completely forgot about it. That was until about two weeks ago when Jim O’Kelley, one of my favorite drinking buddies and partners in crime, sent me a text message saying that he just booked a flight to WACon and that I should try to make it out. The reason? We would be playing in a bar.

So of course I had to go. The opportunity to see all of my friends in the hobby, get to play Diplomacy, and having to never actually travel anywhere to get alcohol is just too tempting for me. Carnage on the Lake is one of my favorite tournaments. Why? Because we play in a bar. Another deciding factor for me finally making the trip out is because I don’t have class on Thursdays or Fridays, so I could easily fly out Thursday afternoon and be fresh for Friday night’s round.

So Eric Mead picks me up from the airport, and we go straight to a bar. Unfortunately, the people we were meeting there had already left, so we had to go back across town to a different bar. Flying across the country with a lay over in between can make a guy a little antsy. Considering the fact that I had been primed and ready to drink my face off and play some games for the week, I was in dire need of just that. So Eric and I had a “practice” drink before heading to meet up with everyone else. The practice drink is definitely something I will be employing in the future, it’s priceless.

Needless to say everyone got very drunk and we had a great time. John Saul and I were crashing in Andy Bartalone’s hotel room that first night, and he ended up getting tanked and heading back early. So John and I arrive to his room later that night to a most peculiar sight. It appeared that Andy had gotten into a fight with a bag of Chex Mix and a bag of popcorn, and lost. It was quite funny except for the fact that I was sleeping on the floor that night; not so funny.

Instead of boring you with the details, I will summarize by saying that I had an awesome time at the tournament. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you know me well enough to know that I don’t really travel to tournaments for the Diplomacy. The game is just a bonus. I travel to these tournaments to see all the friends I’ve made over the years traveling. Really I wouldn’t get to see these people if I didn’t travel to the tournaments, and I always have a blast hanging out with them.

So the Friday night round the game went late (about 2:30 AM I believe) and, of course, I was drinking the entire time. So towards the mid to late game, I was pretty tanked and ended up screwing my position pretty badly. I was still 3rd place on the board besides my bad play, but I most assuredly would have had a better score if I had not been so drunk. Saturday morning’s round is really fuzzy to me for some reason. I placed second on the board, not too shabby but definitely room for improvement.

The Saturday night round was absolutely brutal. I was placed on a board with Andy Bartalone, Andrew Neumann, Jake Mannix, Eric Mead, and Jim O’Kelley. With this collection of some of the best players in the hobby, this board was easily the most stacked of the tournament. Amazingly enough, I topped the board. I was in Germany with Mead as France and someone at his first tournament in England. I suppose it shouldn’t be surprising that the Eastern powers were not able to consolidate fast enough for someone in the West to jump to the lead. That person just happened to be me. I feel like I played a pretty damn good game, but considering the caliber of players arrayed against me, I’ll chalk most of it up to luck.

After the third round, it turned out that I was in third place in the tournament. But I was scheduled to fly out Sunday at 10 AM. If I left I would have no chance of winning the tournament (the winner of the top board wins the tournament, regardless of score). Therefore at 2 Am (quite drunk at this point, shocking I know) I called up Southwest and had them change my flight to Monday for no charge, sweet! So I got to play in the last round on Sunday and I failed to top the board. I did manage to come in second the board, which netted me these two babies:

So despite the fact that I was drunk for three of the four rounds in the tournament (and hung over in the fourth), I managed to bring home some hardware. Go me! Though I did find it a bit irksome that I was just squeaked out of third place by Brian Shelden. Shelden was on my first board, and my poor play caused him to gain a few more points after the game should have ended. If I had not foolishly decided to keep playing, I could be third. Damn you Brian Shelden! On top of that, I was just barely beaten for Best Germany by Andrew Neumann, the tournament winner. We both had 12 centers as Germany on top of the board, but the differential between him and the next highest player was greater than mine, so he got a tiny bit higher score.

Oh well, I really shouldn’t complain, and I’m not. I got to bring home two pieces of hardware and I think that’s pretty sweet. I’ve already ran out of places to put my trophies on my wall, so I have to expand to new real estate to make it all fit.

So why am I still representing the home team? Well, back in the early days of my Diplomacy career my father, my brother, and I would travel to a lot of tournaments together. This was when my brother and I were still in high school, so we had the flexibility in our schedules to be able to travel a lot. So whenever we would go to a tournament with a team round, we would be Team Woodring. We only won one team tournament (solely because of my brother), but it was still a fun addition to all of us getting to travel together. But these days, I’m the only one traveling to the majority of tournaments. My brother is off in Turkey and my father tries to accompany me, but work often gets in the way.

So it’s just me, representing Team Woodring; the home team. Considering my current string of tournament placements, I think I’m doing an OK job. I would much prefer to have my family with me, but I guess that’s just going to keep getting more and more difficult. So I guess I’ll just have to keep playing and get better so I can do right by my family name. A funny story actually, the World Diplomacy Championship was held in Vancouver, BC this past year. The only reason I decided to travel there was because my brother was home from Turkey and was going, and my father was going because he was. So instead of attending a nation-wide event through my fraternity, I decided to travel to Canada with my family. Well, both my brother and father ended up bailing on me for various reasons. So the only reason I had for going failed me, bummer. I don’t hold that against them though, it was just a little irksome, but that’s OK. I didn’t place well (barely made top 50% I think) but there are a bunch of great stories that came out of that tournament. Just read Jim O’Kelley’s account of the weekend in Diplomacy World #99, great stuff.

In conclusion, I’d like to reflect on the irony that the first time I wasn’t invited to WACon, I showed up. On top of that, I brought home some trophies, some very cool trophies. All in all, a great weekend.

Back in Action

Song of the Day: “Better Together” by Jack Johnson

That’s right people, I’m back. It’s been quite a month and a lot of stuff has happened, far too much to confine to one posting. Even if I did want to do that, it would take far too long and I would probably lose interest a quarter of the way through. That being said, over the next week I will be posting pieces of my break in chronological order (as best as I can remember). I would start this week, but tomorrow I am leaving for Seattle until Sunday. So come Monday expect to see the first excerpt from my month-long vacation.

Even now I am thinking back on all the stuff that is happened, and wow. It’s going to take a while. Well, at least I hope it will. It might turn out to be really boring and I’ll leave off writing about it. But I doubt that. This whole blogging thing has become one more therapeutic activity in my life. Though at the moment there really isn’t much stressful going on, I should make a conscious effort to maintain the things that help me through the hard times, right?

Anyway, look forward to Monday’s update. For now, check out the link below where I posted my pictures from my 10 day trip in Turkey.

Turkey ‘08

Nothing New

Song of the Day: “Cherry, Cherry” by Neil Diamond

So yeah, not much new is going on.  Hence why I haven’t posted anything in a while.  I don’t really have anything to write about, but I feel somewhat guilty about completely abandoning my goal of posting three times a week.  So I figure I will just write some nonsense to fill up space.

Classes ended last week, and all this week is crunch time.  I’ve spent almost the entire weekend studying, with the daily trip to the gym.  I’m still sticking strong with my exercise program, which is working well.  I have definitely noticed an improvement, albeit a small one.  Nevertheless I am happy with my progress and it is awesome that I have such a great motivator to get outside during this stressful week.  I know things have just gone to shit when I stop doing the things I love to do, like going to the gym and cooking.  I have stopped cooking for the most part, but I think that’s because I’ve ran out of vegetables and ingredients, and I’m too lazy to go out and get more.  I’ll have to do that sometime this week.  I have a whole lot of meat in my freezer that is just begging to be used, so I need some stuff to cook it with.

Elise sent me cookies last week.  We haven’t spoken since October, so it was very unexpected.  But like I’ve already written, I love cookies, so it was a pleasant surprise.  I’m not entirely sure what to think of her sending me them out of the blue; it is a bit confusing.  But I don’t think it matters all that much.  Maybe I’m just reading into it too much, and it was just a completely innocent, friendly gesture?  I don’t know.  Oh well, at least I get some delicious cookies out of it.

I don’t have anything else to write about, so here’s a picture of me.  Because honestly, who doesn’t enjoy seeing a picture of me?  I know I do.  And if you don’t, you’re just lying to yourself.  You know you do.

And now I’ve just finished the last cookie … damn it.

Snow!

Song of the Day: “I Want You to Want Me” by Cheap Trick

Yes, Philadelphia experienced it’s first day of snow for the season.  The temperature was just a bit below freezing during the day (it’s 28 degrees at the moment), so now much snow was sticking through mid day.  It was a beautiful day, the sun was not shinning bright but it was still pleasantly light out, and the snow was coming down in that slow lazy way that I love so much.  The city seemed almost muffled by the snow and the wind was not blowing too hard, a truly peaceful scene.

So what did I do?  I ran sprints.  I probably should have at least worn a hat, but being as stubborn as I am, I didn’t.  Nevertheless I think this just goes to show the dedication that I have towards this new exercise program I am doing.  It’s really exciting to be doing this; it seems like I am in a perpetual state of soreness which signifies that the program is working great for me.  At the moment my shoulders and neck are killing me.  It is a little more uncomfortable than I would prefer but at this point there’s not much I can do about it.

I think the main reason for this is that I performed Cleans for the first time two days ago.  I was really nervous about doing this as it is a very difficult technique to perfect, so much so that entire books have been written just on this exercise.  The clean is also on of the focal points for Olympic weight lifting.  Obviously I didn’t perform it perfectly, but I think I did pretty well.  I watched a couple videos before hand to give myself a good idea of how to do it, and I think that really payed off.  A classic mistake is to use your arms to lift the barbell from your thighs to your chest.  I noticed early on that my arms were not hurting at all, and therefore I was not really using them.  I quickly discovered that this exercise is a completely exhausting technique.  It requires explosive power in your shoulders to lift the barbell so your arms aren’t doing any work, and like I said my shoulders are killing me.

One of my favorite bands, The Drama Club, is coming to Philadelphia on the 15th.  They are a local band out of Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania that my cousin turned me on to.  I’m really excited about the opportunity to go see them play, I’ve heard they are a phenomenal live band.  Other than that, not much else is new.  Today was the last day of class for me, hurray!  Unfortunately, that means I’m at the beginning of the end-of-semester crunch for my upcoming finals and submission of projects.  Not so much hurray there.

I Love Cookies

Song of the Day: “Push” by Matchbox 20

Cookies are like crack to me, I love them so much. I can easily hose an entire sleeve of cookies, no problem. Chocolate chip is definitely my favorite, there is no equal to a well made chocolate chip cookie. I do have a soft spot for shortbread cookies too; they are definitely a close second. I’d have to say that one of the best advantages to having little girls as relatives is that they sell girl scout cookies. Currently I have 10 boxes of girl scout cookies in my apartment and I could not be happier. I know cookies are bad for me and if I eat them too much I’ll get fat, but I don’t care they are so damned good.

Contrary to the current trend in my life, a lot has happened in the past week. First off, I had a very successful cooking experiment. Well, I guess it wasn’t too much of an experiment because what I made is based off a tried and true formula, but nonetheless I just winged it with my ingredients and technique and it turned out great. I made a sausage ragu which I have transcribed to the best of my knowledge (I was drinking wine that night, so give me a break). The sausage I used was a smoky andouillie (sp?), which is why I used the cumin and crushed red pepper. I just love that smoky, slightly spicy flavor. If you are using a different type of sausage, adjust which spices you use accordingly.

In a small pot, heat 2 tbps of butter with 2 tbps of olive oil. Once heated, add 1/2 medium-size sweet onion, 2 carrots, and 1 green pepper (all diced). Add a couple dashes of cumin and crushed red pepper. With these spices don’t be afraid to be generous with the cumin, I just love that smokey flavor and it goes right along with the sausage. Be careful how much red pepper you use, it has a very strong, very spicy flavor that can overpower the other flavors. Cover and cook over low heat until vegetables are softened (about 10 to 15 minutes).

While the vegetables are cooking, take 1/2 lb of sausage (usually just two links) a sear the outside on a grill or in a saucepan for about 3 minutes, turning occasionally. Remove the sausage and slice them in half length-wise, then slice it cross-wise at about 1/4″ intervals. At this point the sausage will probably start to fall apart because there is no casing to hold it together, that’s okay, it will fall apart in the sauce anyway.

A few minutes before the vegetables are done, add the sausage. Once the sausage is cooked through, add 3 tbps of tomato paste and 1/2 cup of water. Stir until everything is mixed together, and let simmer for a few minutes uncovered until the sauce thickens. Once it is at the consistency you desire, throw over pasta and enjoy! Oh, and don’t forget to season with salt and pepper to taste (duh).

So that’s that. It was a very successful recipe that I definitely plan on revisiting with other types of sausages and spices to see what kind of flavor combinations I can get.

Thursday my friend Christian had an extra ticket to a band called Cold War Kids. At this point I’ll take any excuse to get out of my apartment and socialize, so I jumped at the offer. Their music turned out to be pretty enjoyable, and there was a bar inside to boot. So overall it was a successful endeavor. Friday was the second to last night of a play directed by one of Christian’s friends, so I went to that. The play is called “The Faculty Room”. It takes place in the faculty room (shocking, I know) of a backwater high school where the teachers are doing drugs and having sex with the students. It has huge religious undertones and social commentary on the failure of the public school systems. All in all a very enjoyable play. We ended the night by having a few beers with the director and creative director of the theatre company, which was interesting to say the least.

Yesterday I started a new exercise program provided to me by Taylor, my neighbor back home. He told me that this program is the most effective he’s ever done, so I figured I’d give it a try. Well it’s only been two days and I am already a believer. I spent a mere 45 minutes in the gym on Friday and I am still hurting from it. I did sprints today and at the end of it I thought I was going to die, it only lasted 25 minutes and it was that intense. This program has two parts: all-body weight training and high intensity aerobic exercises. The weight training is very short, but very intense. All of the exercises use multiple muscle groups and rely on your stabilizer muscles. This is the key to the program, because you are constantly using these muscles to keep your balance under a lot of weight, they are worked really hard. You end up working pretty much every muscle in your body and damn does it hurt afterwards.

The aerobic exercises simply intervals of low intensity and high intensity work. I chose to do sprints but you can really do any kind if you want. You sprint for a short period, then jog, then back to sprinting, then jog. The purpose is to train your metabolism to react quickly with explosive energy. Plus after doing 7 sprints for 30 seconds each (which, unfortunately for me, is the shortest sprint time) my legs were totally dead. A great workout for the lower body.

Sabres are up 8-0 right now, which is awesome. Tomorrow I will go to the gym, watch football, and (hopefully) finish one of my final projects. All in all, a great week.

I Hate People

Song of the Day: “Beautiful People” by Marilyn Manson

“The weak ones are there to justify the strong

The beautiful people, the beautiful people

It’s all relative to the size of your steeple

You can’t see the forest for the trees

And you can’t smell your own shit on your knees”

For some reason I have been on a Manson music binge for the past few days. “Beautiful People” is just one of Manson’s many great songs. I understand why people would be opposed to letting Marilyn Manson have free reign in the media. He’s a freaky guy. He wears way too much makeup for any one man to be wearing, he wears strange outfits that make him look like a woman, or some bizarre space creature, or a Nazi. That would, and does, disturb a lot of people. It doesn’t bother me though. I don’t care what he looks like, I don’t care what he says on the news. He makes good music, and that’s it. Some of his lyrics might be a bit out there (”Tourniquet” anybody?) but for me it’s hardly about the lyrics. I listen to the entire song, not just the guitars or the drums or the lyrics. It’s a melding of all the elements in the band that creates the complete picture. It wouldn’t be the same song without the guitar track, would it?

As it turns out, Manson is a very intelligent man. If you’ve ever seen him on any talk show, you would know what I’m talking about. Sure he looks like a freak, but that’s all part of the persona that he has knowingly and willingly adopted. He is trying to create a shock value in his image that gets him noticed. If he gets noticed in the media, or there is some big controversy because of him, he sells more records. So all he has to do is create this anti-christ image of himself that everyone loves to hate. Politicians, WASP house moms and bible huggers do all the marketing work for him every time they get on the news whining about Manson turning America’s children into Satan worshipers. Simple, right?

Anyway, enough about Manson. He makes great music but there are a lot of other talented artists out there, so lets move on.

Thanksgiving was a good break for me. I got to see the majority of my family in Maryland. Needless to say between myself, my dad, and my uncle, there was plenty of great wine flowing constantly. Thanksgiving dinner is one of the most memorable events of the year, if not solely for the left-over turkey sandwiches and stuffing (I am a stuffing-aholic). After the events on Thursday, I drove home Friday night to go out drinking with some of my fraternity brothers in Long Beach. And boy did we go out. We got hammered and it was an absolute blast. When I woke up in the morning I had the shakes so bad I couldn’t drive my car, so I had to wait that out at my friend’s apartment. Fortunately another one of my brothers called me and we went out to lunch, which was a great opportunity to recover. I was still so hung over though that I left my phone charger at his place, so sorry to anyone who’s tried to get in touch with me since the weekend, I have been sans phone.

Saturday night my dad opened a bottle of 1982 bordeaux (care to clarify on which bottle Dad?) which was fantastic. I think that wine is in its prime right now and is perfect for drinking over christmas break (hint, hint). After that I went to see my friends who I have not had a chance to hang out with in a very long time. Only one of them was home, so we hung out, played video games and drank some beer. After a while something personal came up with him and I came back home. I spent the rest of the night drinking three bottles of wine with my neighbor Taylor, who has been a very good friend to my family for quite some time.

All in all, I would say it was a pretty successful Thanksgiving break. But for some reason, I feel stressed out all over again. I haven’t gone to the gym once since I’ve been back, which is a long time for me. I think it’s just that finals and due dates for my final projects are bearing down on me and the pressure is just climbing every day. Which gets me to the title of my post. I hate people. I just seethe and boil over the most inconsequential things about a specific person and I hate them for it.

This is what happens sometimes when I get stressed out. I channel all of that pent-up energy into anger which I direct at random people for no reason. One time when I was boarding a plane, I saw a woman and I immediately wanted to punch her in the face simply because I didn’t like the way she looked. There’s not much rhyme or reason to it, I just pick somebody and blow everything out of proportion. In these instances pretty much everything pisses me off and there’s nothing I can do about it, I just have to sit and fume and wait for it to pass. A voicemail that is longer than necessary, a pointless email or text message, somebody walking down the street talking about something entirely inane. All of these things and much, much more just make me so God damned angry. Which is uncharacteristic of me because I try to never be angry, just mellow.

I went through a stage in my life when I was angry all the time. Angry, or morbidly depressed, I’m not sure which one. I listened only to heavy metal and death metal, wore the t-shirts, had long hair, the works. That was a very difficult time in my life and I try to avoid living my life in any way that is seriously tied to that time. Sure, I still listen to heavy metal and, obviously, I listen to bands like Marilyn Manson. But I also listen to every other genre of music. I wear clothes that are bright and expressive; my favorite color is orange, but it’s tough to wear that a lot, it’s more of an accent color. So now I try to live a mellow life. Nothing really makes me angry any more except a small group of very particular things and during times like these. I do get frustrated very easily, but when I do get frustrated I always try to put whatever I’m doing down and come back to it later so I can cool off. I try to divest myself of attachments from certain things so that I can’t get upset over things that don’t matter. It amazes me how some people can get so worked up over the most mundane thing. Or some people get stressed out by things they can’t control. What’s the point? There’s nothing you can do about it, so just deal with it and move on. There’s no point wasting energy worrying about the situation when you should be directing your energy towards trying to figure out how you’re going to make the best of it.

If you worry about every little thing that happens in your life, you’ll end up dead, or even worse, old, before you know it. You have to care about the important things, the things that really matter. You have to stop, take stock of your life, and determine what is important to you. What do you like about your life? What do you hate? What would you change and what can’t you change? All of these are important questions, things you need to figure out on your own. I know that isn’t the easiest thing to do. Hell sometimes I can’t even do it. But it’s something we all need to do so that we can figure out what’s important and what’s not. So we can care about what really matters, and divest ourselves of burdens we shouldn’t be carrying.

For those of you reading this, I hope that you take me seriously. I hope that you take a little time for yourself to reflect on the events of the day or the week or whatever. Think about what happened and how you reacted. Think about how the situation would have changed if you had reacted a different way. People in general are quick to anger for various reasons to long to list here. In my experience interacting with other people, most of the time people react negatively in a situation that doesn’t even matter. It bothers me when I see my friends go through this because I can so easily shrug my shoulders and move on, because the situation doesn’t affect me, so therefore I don’t care. But most people don’t react that way. So next time you are in a difficult situation take a step back and evaluate the situation entirely, and try to determine if it really matters to you one way or the other. And please, take the time to reflect on the events of your day and how you reacted to to them, and try to learn from your mistakes. This could be a good step towards living with a little less stress in your life. I hope you do this, even for 15 minutes a day, it is worth doing.

Procrastination is Just One of My Many Skills

Song of the Day: “All in My Head” by Shawn Mullins

“Is it all in my head?  Is it all in my head?

Could everything be so right without me knowing?

Is it all just some game? Where everything stays the same?”

I can’t help thinking to myself that maybe all of the troubles I have been writing about are all just in my head.  Well, of course they are in my head, they are my thoughts.  But perhaps I’m just fabricating or exaggerating my problems because of the stress?  Granted, I am still all alone here in Philadelphia, but maybe I just let it get to me too much.  I feel OK now; sure I am spending another night by myself but for some reason it doesn’t seem as bad as it did two weeks ago.  Maybe things really are right but I just don’t realize it?  I know that I like to complain (it’s just entertaining), so maybe my downtrodden feelings were just an extreme extension of that sentiment?  I don’t know for certain but I can’t help thinking that it might be at least a little true, and it makes me chuckle.

Yes, I am procrastinating.  I am writing this when I really should be working on my final project.  I just can’t bring myself to focus on it though, and I think I know why.  My partner and I are doing a study of adaptive filters in digital signal processing.  Due to my distaste for MatLAB and my proficiency in writing, I have taken on the role of writing the research paper.  Really a very simple task, I should have no problem hammering out a 10 to 15 page paper on the many facets of the subject.  But right now I just can’t bring myself to write.

I have always had a system to writing papers that seems to have served me well in the past.  Procrastination.  I would wait until just a few days before the paper was due and then I would write the entire thing in a day or two, reserving myself some time to proofread and edit.  But in the period before I actually write the paper I’m not really procrastinating.  Like all problems I tackle, I mentally prepare myself for the task at hand and try to plan out which directions I will take with the solution.  This is the same method I would use to solve a complex calculus or physics problem.  I will work out in my head which strategy (i.e. which theorems to employ) would be best utilized to get to the final answer.  Essentially I solve the problem before I do any work, I just have to write out the solution to find where I will end up.  I do the same thing when I write.  I take my time to create a framework of the paper; a series of sections compromised of different facets of the subject, which points will be the focus of each section, which sidetracks I will follow to take up space, etcetera.

This is my normal methodology for writing papers.  But since I have a partner in this, I feel the need to start early so show him I’m actually contributing to the final project.  What I have is not much, but it’s a solid start and considering I have about three weeks to work on this I’m ahead of my game.  The most difficult part for me is getting past the mental stage and actually putting pen to paper (figuratively of course, doing anything other than typing it up on a computer would be far too time consuming).  I do need to get working on it though.  In the next three weeks I have to study for two final exams and finish two final projects.  I have quite the task at hand and I shouldn’t be wasting much more time slacking off.

I think this is my resolution to stay focused on my studies for the rest of the semester.  Really I don’t have a choice.  If I slack off the work will just pile up and I’ll be left with little or no time to study for my final exams.  This isn’t fun and games like it was in Buffalo, this is the big leagues and I need to take this seriously.

Anyway, here is a picture of a view I have on my way home from class.  In the foreground is the famous 30th street station and behind it is a building I don’t know.  This building always has a different pattern of lights showing on its face in different colors.  It’s really cool.  Sorry the quality isn’t better, the picture doesn’t really capture the view like how I see it every time I walk by at night.  It is really a great view and I wish you could see it like I can.

I’m Losing My Hair

Song of the Day: “Slide” by Goo Goo Dolls

I think I am slowly, but surely, losing my hair. Ever since I moved in to this apartment, I can’t help but notice the accumulation of my hair on my bathroom vanity cabinet and sink. I can’t really tell if I’ve always lost hair at this rate, considering I have lived with seven other guys for the last three years. I think that during those years all of our habits and daily routines melded together into one big blur so that none of us could differentiate our own repulsive habits or (in this case) loss of hair. I can’t help thinking that this is just a natural process of growing, that I’ve always lost hair but I’ve never noticed it. And maybe a contributing factor is that I have been under a lot of stress ever since moving here. Naturally I’m far too lazy to actually research the subject, but I’m sure that stress in one’s daily life contributes to hair loss. But even still, I can’t help thinking about my genetics.

Everyone tells me that I look like my mother. I can’t help but agree, it’s true. And you know what? I’m OK with that. To the fairer sex, I would venture to guess that a slightly more feminine, rather than masculine, appearance would appear more approachable, let alone accessible. I have seen pictures of my mother as a teenager and young adult and I must say, in a completely platonic way, she was a very attractive young lady. But I am not a male carbon copy of my mother, that much is quite apparent when you break it down.

I look like my mother. I have her hair color. But my hair is not thick like hers, that gift was given to my brother. He will never go bald, ever. Me, I have hair like my father. While he does not have a full head of hair, he is certainly doing well enough for his age. There are plenty of men his age with no hair at all. Even though I may not have my mother’s gift for thick and everlasting hair, I am glad that I have either one of their genes.

Heritage is a funny thing. I can’t help dissecting and analyzing my attributes and how each one is attributed to different sides of my family. I am just like my father in personality: I am an introvert, I am shy, I am not personable, and although I am amiable, I generally hate people I don’t know. I look like my mother: I have her eyes, I have her hair color, I have her allergies, I have her medical conditions (I could go on forever about my nosebleeds as a child, and lets not forget my allergy to penicillin or cats), and last, but certainly not least, I have her entire family’s propensity towards liquor.

When I consider my last point, I am afraid. Some people say that it takes a lot to admit that you’re afraid. But I thrive on putting myself down, so just call me Captain Deprecation and assume it’s easy for me. I am afraid. My mother’s family has a history of alcoholism, psychosis, and heart disease. I can’t help thinking that I am extremely prone to these conditions and that my current lifestyle is doing nothing but contributing to it. My grandfather died in his early 50s from his fifth (someone correct if I’m wrong on this?) heart attack. He had a drinking problem. I have a drinking problem. I stopped drinking for about a month and after that I pretty much took a nose dive into the bottle. I am on my third glass of Patron (really good tequila for you layman out there) after I don’t remember how many other drinks (I think four, but who’s counting anyway, right?).

I can’t help thinking that I am heading down the same road the my grandfather took. I never met him. Maybe I won’t ever get to meet my grandchildren? Hell, maybe I won’t even live long enough to get married and have kids of my own. I know this is a bit extreme. I do exercise regularly so I don’t think I have to worry about keeling over any time soon, but I think to live a long and healthy life without requiring a liver transplant, I need to consider my lifestyle and I need to consider what I’m doing with my free time. The reason I quit drinking for a month was because I spent the entire summer drinking by myself and someone close to me asked me to. Now I’m right back where I started; drinking by myself.

A friend of mine told me yesterday that I have been on a self-pity streak for the past week or two and that I needed to break out of my funk. I never really thought about it like that, but once she put it that way, it became very clear to me that that was what I was doing. And after I came to the realization that she was absolutely right, I resolved that I would try my hardest not to do that. What I write here isn’t a cry for help. What I write is simply a projection of me. Of my thoughts, my fears, my weaknesses, my eccentricities, my strengths, my time feeling sorry for myself.

Even after my resolutions, I find myself writing this post and feeling sorry for myself. The past few paragraphs have been structured exactly the same as the entirety of my past few postings, and this disgusts me. This is not the point of my blog. This space is not a crutch for me to lean on and use to make excuses why I am not being proactive about my life. This is where I unload my stress and insecurities about my day to day life. Sure, I can see how it’s easy that the two can bleed together, but I’d like to think that I’m sufficiently self-aware to realize when I wasting time feeling sorry for myself.

For the first time in a while, I felt good about myself today. I was satisfied. I went to the gym and had a really intense workout. When I got home I wasted a few good hours being exhausted just sitting around watching TV and drinking tea. I know I should have spent the day doing research for one of my final projects, but I just felt so surprisingly upbeat that I didn’t want to ruin it by doing something so uncharacteristic of me like concentrating on a paper earlier than a week before it’s due. For some reason, I like to take a long time to mentally plan out any paper I write, but that’s another story.

Every time I yawn ( which is a lot; I bore easily), my jaw hurts like hell. It hurts so bad that every time I do yawn, I have a sudden urge to kill somebody. I’m yawning too much, so I better call it a night before I break something.